As I lay here I look at the time and realize its 2am. Once again I’m wide awake to see this hour roll around.
Tonight as I lay here awake my heart is heavy. So much pain and sadness this week. Just when one would think things were looking up something would happen.
2am why is it you and I see each other so often? Why is it we often think about the things that will break us down even more at this time?
2am why can’t you and I just finally be friends!?!
I’ve always liked being up and about before the rest of my family wakes up. I enjoy sitting in the front room by myself. It’s so quiet and peaceful. There’s no footsteps coming down halls, no yelling from bedrooms asking if I know where their shoes are. There’s no fighting from sleepy children who don’t want to get up and get ready for school.No husband asking if I’ve seen his keys. No dogs wanting to go outside.
No, it’s just me and my laptop sitting on the couch. There’s no one or nothing else. This is my time to wake up and figure out the day. It’s my quiet time. My Me time.
This has been one of those weeks were you wish you could get into bed, pull the covers over your head and wait for the week to end.
I can’t believe this month is almost over. Its been a hard month for me physically and mentally. I just don’t know right now if I’m coming or if I’m going. I feel lost and alone in this world.
I sit here looking at this empty screen. I find myself here often. In my head the words swirl around and make perfect sense. In my head is where it all is. All the things I wish I could write down, all the things I wish I could say to people. I can’t. Instead the words beat up against one another until they are all just one messed up mess. A jumble of words that make no sense to anyone but me.
In my mind I hold the key to what makes me the way that I am. In my mind all mysteries of me could be answered. But in my mind is where it all will stay until the day I can say “This is me.”
I’ve been laying here tonight unable to sleep (yes again) and I started thinking about Disney characters that would survive a zombie apocalypse.
Maybe its the lack of sleep or pain my body has been in so much lately that causes me to wonder about these things at 2am.
No matter what causes my mind to go down these paths there is no denying that Mary Poppins would for sure survive the zombie outbreak.
Just think about it for a moment. Mary Poppins is an amazing woman with life skills that would make it pretty near impossible for a zombie to take a bite.
First off there’s that black bag of hers. This bag itself seems to have everything but the kitchen sink in it. Though if she really felt the need I’m pretty sure you would find that kitchen sink in there. In that bag she could carry the tools needed to survive.
But lets face it she probably could just start singing and cause those zombies to fall in love with her and do whatever she wanted. Heck she got those kids to clean their rooms she could get the zombies to go vegen.
Number Two: The woman can take an umbrella and fly! Fly! Last time I checked the undead do not have the capability to do such a task.
Number Three: She can jump into chalk paintings. Now she couldn’t rely on this one for escape because she needs to find a chalk painting to jump into and those aren’t exactly common to find in the zombie apocalypse.
Number Four: This may be the best reason she would not only survive but in the end rule the world. She’s the Queen of making potions. She got those kids to take their medicine, clean their room and respect their Father. She can whip up a potion that would stop the zombie outbreak.
Yes, you Mary Poppins are the one who would not only survive but could do so while singing a song that would make the zombie apocalypse just a heck of a lot of fun.
There is a certain excitement in the air when you get to October. No I’m not talking the start of the New Season of The Walking Dead. No that is not what I’m talking about at all.
At lease not for me that is.
You see although I do watch The Walking Dead I’m not a HUGE fan of the show. In my mind that show brought a bunch Johnny come lately’s to the Zombie Genre. I at times (okay a lot of times) have issues with those people. They don’t know the first rule and I mean real rule of Zombies. They know what they see on that show. They haven’t studied Zombies. Where the myth came from, what people of the past in different cultures did to prevent the dead from coming back to life. These people annoy me that they don’t know anything but that they like a show.
I’m a purest when it comes to the Zombie Genre.
I remember being six years old, sneaking out into the front room at midnight and watching Night of the Living Dead on our little 12 inch black and white television. From that movie on I was hooked.
“Their coming for you Barbara”
For me I look at the calendar and see that it’s October I say “ITS ALMOST HERE!!!! AUSTIN RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!”
Yes, even though it’s until December I start planning in October. This December will be my 3rd Run For Your Life Event. I can not wait. Something else I’m really excited about is how RFYL is also coming to El Paso. Which MEANS…I will be making that drive to volunteer at that one Just like I go to Dallas to volunteer for that race.
Yes, my dears Run For Your Life is coming to Central Texas very very soon. Are you ready?!?! Come join me and the other undead for a blood filled day.
There are days where I totally understand why Monday gets a bad time.
This has been one of those days. If it could go wrong it did, if it could break it did.
It was one of those days where I laughed, got angry, cried and did my best to try to keep a fake smile on.
Yes Monday I am glad to say goodbye to you. Next week I hope you and I are on speaking terms.
Today has not been a good day. My body feels like its trying to rip itself a part from the inside out. I try so hard to put on a fake smile but even the fake is impossible for me to achieve.
All around my house is silent. Well almost silent. There’s my husband snoring beside me and his dog outside our door bumping up against our door.
I turn on Netflix and find a movie to watch in hopes my mind can drift off into another place. A place where nothing is real, where life is all scripted, a place of no pain.
But nothing works. Instead I lay here wide awake, hurting and wishing I could sleep.
If there is one thing I’ve always been its emotionally stunted. I hate emotion. I have avoided it with a fiery passion. Just someone looking at me and simple saying “I’m going to miss you while you’re gone” has sent my mind reeling and me quickly changing subjects.
So what happens when someone like me needs to say something but they don’t know how to or do they want to because of the emotion factor?!?!
Well first I hide. Hiding is something I’ve always been good at with my feelings. In fact I even learned how to fake emotion so that I could actually keep my real emotions buried deep.
As I’ve gotten older this has gotten harder. I’ve even found from time to time that I wanted to share but I just didn’t know how to go about it.
Today was one of those days for me where I wanted to say something but I couldn’t. There was just to much emotion involved. I kept it to myself. But unlike usual I couldn’t bury it. The feelings kept festering right there at the surface trying to come out. Trying to be shared. However I wouldn’t let it because I didn’t want to feel the emotion. I couldn’t deal with it. Just the thought left me feeling lost, useless and even stupid.
So I went about the day trying hard to fight what was wanting to come out.
Finally in the end I lost the battle. I found myself writing out this super long text saying how I was feeling. I was crying and I hated it. It was to real and I don’t like that. Its to hard. As I pressed send I laid there in bed worried. The person it was going to knew I didn’t do emotion. They knew how it made me feel.
Then my cell went off and I just looked at it. I was afraid to check it. I had put myself out there and I was feeling. I swear I know what the Grinch must of been going through when his little heart started to feel.
Trust me its not one bit pleasant.
As I opened the text I smiled. The person knew I had something bothering me and knew in my own time I would share.
Its hard being the way that I am. I really don’t want to be like this anymore. Its hard though. But I’m trying.
Who else out there misses the days of taking in your film and getting an actual packet of photos back? Oh how I miss putting together photo albums. Every photo you went through was like walking down memory lane.
I miss it.
Well lets say I MISSED IT. I don’t miss it anymore.
Enter the great photo app search of 2013. I needed to find an app that would be good for getting my photos from my cell to their service without making my photos look awful. Currently I have over two thousand photos on my cell. That’s a lot of photos that need to be free. They need to be in albums so the memories can live on.
The two apps that I came to try was Kodak Moments and Shutterfly. Now since I’ve always been pro Kodak I decided to try them first.
What I like about their app is you select the photos you wish to upload to their app, go through them, pick your sizes and then you select the store to have them sent to for pick up. Now also you can make albums for an insanely high price or greeting cards. Though their greeting card selection is not very good at all.
In the end I ordered one hundred photos from my cell and had them sent to my local Target. In less then a hour I was getting a text saying that my photos were ready.
I paid $15.00 for 100 photos. Other then that I really didn’t have a lot of “Oh my I love this app” feelings. It was a “Oh okay lets move on to Shutterfly.”
I’m really hoping Shutterfly is a lot better then Kodak Memories was. Really hoping.
Does anyone else out there have any good photo apps I should attempt to try???