Where did you come from December? Weren’t you just here not to long ago? It sure does feel like it to me. I guess not though. I guess it’s really true that December is here. It must be because every where I turn I see Christmas decorations and busy people doing abnormal shopping. Oh December don’t worry I got my shopping done the week before Thanksgiving. I really didn’t want to be out there with everyone this year. It just didn’t thrill me any. Although I did do something shocking Dear December. I went out on Black Friday with my good friend. Yes, seriously I did. It was crazy and probably won’t ever go again but at lease I can say that I did it once before I die.
So December you are here. Lets make it a good one alright????
Ever have one of those days where you just can’t believe you actually accomplished something? Something that when most people hear what you did they say “WHAT! Wow!”
I had one of those moments this past Saturday. I still can’t believe it.
I FINISHED my Christmas shopping. Oh ya you read that right. I am done.
Yes, you read that right. I am done. While everyone else is out there this holiday season running around, getting stressed out, wishing they were over……….I will be home. HOME!
Now all I need is for Thanksgiving to get over so we can start decorating. That is one thing that I will wait for until after Thanksgiving.
But that Christmas Shopping….IT IS DONE!
As I lay here I look at the time and realize its 2am. Once again I’m wide awake to see this hour roll around.
Tonight as I lay here awake my heart is heavy. So much pain and sadness this week. Just when one would think things were looking up something would happen.
2am why is it you and I see each other so often? Why is it we often think about the things that will break us down even more at this time?
2am why can’t you and I just finally be friends!?!
I sit here looking at this empty screen. I find myself here often. In my head the words swirl around and make perfect sense. In my head is where it all is. All the things I wish I could write down, all the things I wish I could say to people. I can’t. Instead the words beat up against one another until they are all just one messed up mess. A jumble of words that make no sense to anyone but me.
In my mind I hold the key to what makes me the way that I am. In my mind all mysteries of me could be answered. But in my mind is where it all will stay until the day I can say “This is me.”
If there is one thing I’ve always been its emotionally stunted. I hate emotion. I have avoided it with a fiery passion. Just someone looking at me and simple saying “I’m going to miss you while you’re gone” has sent my mind reeling and me quickly changing subjects.
So what happens when someone like me needs to say something but they don’t know how to or do they want to because of the emotion factor?!?!
Well first I hide. Hiding is something I’ve always been good at with my feelings. In fact I even learned how to fake emotion so that I could actually keep my real emotions buried deep.
As I’ve gotten older this has gotten harder. I’ve even found from time to time that I wanted to share but I just didn’t know how to go about it.
Today was one of those days for me where I wanted to say something but I couldn’t. There was just to much emotion involved. I kept it to myself. But unlike usual I couldn’t bury it. The feelings kept festering right there at the surface trying to come out. Trying to be shared. However I wouldn’t let it because I didn’t want to feel the emotion. I couldn’t deal with it. Just the thought left me feeling lost, useless and even stupid.
So I went about the day trying hard to fight what was wanting to come out.
Finally in the end I lost the battle. I found myself writing out this super long text saying how I was feeling. I was crying and I hated it. It was to real and I don’t like that. Its to hard. As I pressed send I laid there in bed worried. The person it was going to knew I didn’t do emotion. They knew how it made me feel.
Then my cell went off and I just looked at it. I was afraid to check it. I had put myself out there and I was feeling. I swear I know what the Grinch must of been going through when his little heart started to feel.
Trust me its not one bit pleasant.
As I opened the text I smiled. The person knew I had something bothering me and knew in my own time I would share.
Its hard being the way that I am. I really don’t want to be like this anymore. Its hard though. But I’m trying.
Who else out there misses the days of taking in your film and getting an actual packet of photos back? Oh how I miss putting together photo albums. Every photo you went through was like walking down memory lane.
I miss it.
Well lets say I MISSED IT. I don’t miss it anymore.
Enter the great photo app search of 2013. I needed to find an app that would be good for getting my photos from my cell to their service without making my photos look awful. Currently I have over two thousand photos on my cell. That’s a lot of photos that need to be free. They need to be in albums so the memories can live on.
The two apps that I came to try was Kodak Moments and Shutterfly. Now since I’ve always been pro Kodak I decided to try them first.
What I like about their app is you select the photos you wish to upload to their app, go through them, pick your sizes and then you select the store to have them sent to for pick up. Now also you can make albums for an insanely high price or greeting cards. Though their greeting card selection is not very good at all.
In the end I ordered one hundred photos from my cell and had them sent to my local Target. In less then a hour I was getting a text saying that my photos were ready.
I paid $15.00 for 100 photos. Other then that I really didn’t have a lot of “Oh my I love this app” feelings. It was a “Oh okay lets move on to Shutterfly.”
I’m really hoping Shutterfly is a lot better then Kodak Memories was. Really hoping.
Does anyone else out there have any good photo apps I should attempt to try???
I am so glad that its Friday night. No alarm clocks going off in the morning and no school bus to catch.
The only thing on the schedule is my sons football game tomorrow and church on Sunday. A nice simple weekend.
Hope y’all can say the same.
Well my dear all the kids are now back in school. No more staying up late and sleeping in. No more lazy days sitting out at the lake. BBQS and fireworks, pools and slip n slides, all have been put up. Well I take that back Summer. The BBQs have not been put up. This is Texas we BBQ year around like it should be. I believe it’s in the Bible somewhere that you must do this. It is really…Check…You may need to read between lines but you’ll find it.
In June Summer you helped my husband and I celebrate our fourteen year wedding anniversary down in San Antonio. I have to tell you thankful for making it not to insanely hot down there at the Riverwalk. I really appreciate that a lot.
In August you aged me another year. Goodbye early thirties, hello mid thirties. Now on this day you made it really super hot. But they don’t say Hot August Nights for the fun of it. It’s suppose to be hot in August. It was a good birthday. Grilling, Guns and Zombies. Oh ya it was perfect.
Then a week and a half later my Godson entered the world. Oh Summer he is such a precious little boy. August was a good month.
I do have to say that I was a little disappointed with some of you Summer. I guess it wasn’t you it was us. We didn’t really get to go and do anything like we had planned. As you know there was health issues and the husband got a new job. No time for a family vacation. As you know we’ve never been on one. So Dear Summer what do you say about next year when we meet again that we figure out a way for us to get to one of those Family Vacations? Between the two of us we should be able to figure something out…Right? I hope so. Lets start thinking now.
Well Summer I’m going to close for now. Fall should hopefully be knocking on the door here soon. I don’t want to be rude and it ignore it.
Until next Summer.
The other day I spoke of a place of pain. The place that I am from and that I hate. Today I speak about the place I live. The place I call home. The place my children call their home town.
We live in a small town that is growing fast. They say it’s one of the fastest growing towns in Texas. Which honestly makes me a little sad. I enjoy that right now we aren’t a big place. We live twenty minutes from the city and so we don’t have to go far if we need something our little town don’t have. Though honestly I’m not a fan of Austin. It’s to big and congested for me. I don’t venture past Sam’s Club unless I have to do so.
Here in our little town we support local business’s and shop at HEB. (It’s our only grocery store) We go to the river and spend all day laughing, playing and enjoying company of family and friends.
On Saturdays we go out and support our children as they play their sports. We watch them grow from season to season and wonder where the time has gone.
On Sundays we attend our Churches and are thankful that we have found the places that we have to come together with other Christians and serve the Lord according to the scriptures. (Ya sometimes my Preacher Father still comes out in me)
In our home my husband goes to work and I stay home with the children. There has been times over the years were I have had other ask what I do and when I say I’m a house wife I have gotten looks and even a couple “You need to get out of the 50s wife mind set” comments. Which trust me I am so not a 50s type of wife.
My children enjoy their town, their friends, their family, their life. They say they can’t imagine growing up anywhere else. Growing up I never felt that way. It makes me happy to hear my children say these things about our little town. About their Home Town.
I was raised in a small town that I hate. A town that I couldn’t wait to get out of. Even to this day when I think of that little place my skin crawls, my heart races, my stomach gets ill and I just want to run and hide. Down every street a bad memory. Around every corner a ghost waiting to jump out at me. It is a town where nightmares still await me. In Ghostbusters 2 when they travel beneath the city and find all the red slime it always reminds me of the town I’m from. I swear that slime flows like lava under that place.
I dread the thought of visiting there. It’s been two years since I’ve been back “home.” I say “home” because it never felt like one to me. I know my time is running out though and soon I will need to make a trip back there. So many other things I would rather do then go there. But I know I will need to. My Grandfather is sick and won’t be here much longer. I would like to see him one more time before he leaves this world. I do miss my Gramma. Laughing and talking. Knowing that it doesn’t matter what I say to her she keeps all secrets.
In order to see them I must got this place. I must drive down those roads, those streets that hold so much pain for me.
I know I can only run so long before I must go and face those demons.